Finding happiness
by tears will fall
Summary: Bella and Edward have both suffered, can they find their true happiness?
1. Chapter 1

Bella:

I have never really been one to complain about life or just give up because things become too difficult because I believe that there are always ways around things, even in the direst occurrences. However, lately I have found myself questioning everything and in a way, I have lost hope that good things will come. I know for a fact life isn't easy, but when you go through too much loss and misery, it puts you on a desperate mission to look for happiness. I know there are things missing from my life but I can't help it. I have tried with happiness and contemned on many occasions and it has let me down each and every time. There are few things that really get me through the day, but I fear if I try with happiness it will let me down yet again and I do not need to be put in the same dismal position as before.

Edward:

I have always been happy with my life, even during the downfalls. I accept what happens because I know there is a reason for everything, but lately I have found it immensely difficult to take care of everything in my life. In a way I feel like I am doing everything wrong and these days I feel much weaker than before. It is hard to keep content when there is nothing to look forward to. Things have been falling slowly and I see myself in a mild depression, but I have to be strong and I try, but is trying really enough? I doubt my capabilities in keeping everything in place. I have looked for happiness but it has never gone my way, I was happy for a while and then everything shattered, so what is there to look forward to? Being broken once is enough for me.


	2. Chapter 2

"Daddy, can you come and tuck me in please." Max pulled on the sleeve of my shirt.

"I am coming up in a second." I replied.

Lately I have been feeling rundown and exhausted. I find it even harder to keep up with the three of my children. I have three children, Sarah my eldest who is nine, Daniel who is five and Max who is three. It is immensely difficult to raise the three of them at these mixed ages. It is true that children become your life, but lately I feel like I am not doing enough for them. I have sacrificed everything for them, but sometimes looking at them I feel as though something is missing, yes there is something missing, but I am trying my hardest to keep them content.

I walked up the stairs to max and Daniel's room. I found Daniel playing with a jigsaw puzzle and by the look on his face he was concentrating hard.

"Turn off the light." Max grumbled. "I am tired." He glared at his brother.

"Okay boys." I clapped my hands. "Time for bed"

I looked at Daniel and his eyes met mine, in that instant I had a flashback of myself as child. Daniel is a carbon copy of me in everything. His attitude, his personality and in his looks. He likes to handle things himself; he is joker, and most off all he has a kind a caring heart for everyone. He has emerald green eyes like me with messy bronze hair with a tinge of reddish brown. He is a lean sort of boy and very tall for his age. He has pale, olive skin just like mine. Whenever I look at Daniel I see myself in him and nothing else.

On the other hand Max is quite fair with cute, chubby face. He has dimples and he has a big body, not fat, just very muscular. He reminds me of my brother Emmett. He has hazel eyes and they are beautiful; they remind me of stars. Max is a dependant boy unlike Daniel and is extremely attached to me. He has dark brown, curly hair.

"Dad, I am not sleepy." Daniel stated.

"Well, I know what can make you sleepy." And I started to tickle him.

"Goodnight Daddy" yawned max. "Tomorrow can you read us the dinosaur story?" I nodded and switched the light off .

I decided to give my daughter a visit.

Sara is very different from the boys, they play rough and are loud and at times can be very demanding. Yet Sara is quiet, calm and collected. She lives in her room with all her books and music. Sometimes I feel like Sara is acting big because she is the eldest, because at that age all I remember doing is mucking around. Sara is extremely mature for her age, I feel like she lost her childhood a long time ago. The thing I love about Sarah is that she has the warmest heart.

I knocked softly on her door.

"Come in." she said quietly.

"Hey, how's my girl doing?" I asked her.

"I'm good dad, how are you?"

"I am good too. So how's school going?" I noticed she placed a bookmark in her book and place it on her dressing table.

"School is fine. How's work?"

"It's a little bit hectic, but I'll deal with it." She nodded in response.

"Dad, can I ask something" she whispered gently while moving closer to me.

"Sure" I nodded in response.

"Is it okay to miss someone even if they have hurt you or the people you love. I mean is it wrong?" she glanced outside her window.

"Honey, it is okay. Your feelings are yours and you can't stop them. Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." She confirmed with a smile, but I knew she was pretending. She does not like letting many people in, me being one of them.

"Sara, you know if you need to talk I am here or I can get Rosalie for you if you feel uncomfortable." I told her.

"Dad, I am fine." She pulled the blankets slowly to cover her.

"Goodnight." I kissed her forehead and shut the door.

Sometimes I really worry about her. She is so quiet, but at the same time, she is not willing to let anyone in. I know what is missing from all our lives but I can never fill that position ever. There will always be a place in their hearts that I cannot mend. I just hold on to hope that everything will fine, because right now I feel like everything is going to shatter any moment and if everything comes crashing I am not sure I will be able to stand back on my feet and hold everything together.

I try so hard it hurts and the fact that I am alone scares me. I have no one to turn to and share my burden with me. But I guess if this is what fate has for me I will deal with it. I wish I had that certain someone to keep me company, but I tried once and became broken, broken once is enough for a lifetime. The reason I do not give up is because I have three beautiful children who need me to nurture them, I try and hide all the suffering and dire happenings from them because I want them to be happy.

Outside in reality no body really cares if you're miserable so that is why I hide what I feel inside. Everyone is busy with their own lives to care about the unhappy people. I felt like one moment everything was as perfect as it could be and then happiness just slipped away. Even in the dire happenings I thought everything would be okay if we talked it, but I have now come to realisation that talking doesn't always make it better in fact by talking you can loose what you love most. Even through all this, I have learnt to keep my strong guard and not allow anyone to change my beliefs or manipulate me.

I sat at my desk with hands on my head. I was trying to figure out this equation and it was taking ages for my mind to process. Lately with my work, I have been rushing it so I can look after the children. It is not easy to juggle between children and work. Just when I finished working it out my phone rang. I looked up at the called ID and saw it was Jasper my best friend.

"Hey Jasper, what's up?" I said into the receiver.

"Hey, Edward nothing much. I just called to see how everything is going."

"Everything's is fine. How are things with you?" I asked trying to avoid the topic.

"Edward, please do not avoid the topic, I seriously want to know how things are." I sighed.

"Mummy, I still don't get what a noun is." Allie sighed frustrated.

"Sweetheart, it can be a name, person, or thing. For example, Allie is a person so that is a noun. A house is a thing so it can be a noun." She smiled understanding.

I have two daughters Allie who is five and Hannah who is six. I sat them both down to start them on their homework whilst I make dinner.

"Mummy, this homework is boring." Allie grumbled while glaring at the work.

"Come on sweetheart, just this page and then your finished." I pleaded.

"If both of you are good, we'll go to park and feed the ducks before sunset" I suggested.

They both smiled and continued with their work. I have always noticed how Hannah does the work and never complains, whilst I have Allie who I have to force on the chair to do anything. Both my girls are unique in their own way. Hannah is quiet, isn't very social and likes things done her own way. She also becomes angry and annoyed with the littlest things. Hannah has a big heart and she can always detect sadness within a person, she is beautiful in her own way. She has short, blonde curls that remind me of goldilocks and a mixture of blue and green in her eyes. She is pale like her sister but holds a complete different beauty on the outside. She has the same body shape as her sister and is the same height.

However Allie is different she is energetic, loves meeting new people and has the talent of being very social. She can also be very shy and she acts like a spoilt child at times. My favourite trait about her is her kindness. Both my daughters are beautiful in their own way. Allie has long, blonde curls that hang on her shoulders, very pale skin and crystal, blue eyes. Her eyes are my favourite feature; each blue speck makes it look like a puzzle.

"Mummy are we still going to the park." Asked Hannah.

"Yeah, we are tell your sister to go get ready."

I grabbed my cell and dialled Alice's number.

"Hello."

"Oh Bella Hello. How are you dear?" Esme replied

"Everything is good. How are things going?" I asked.

"Everything is good. Was there something you needed?"

"Umm, yeah is Alice there?"

"Hey, Bells, sorry I was in the shower."

"Hey, do you want to come to the park with the kids and me"

"Sure, ill meet you there"

I watched intently as my girls ran to the river to feed the ducks. They both looked so carefree with not a worry in a world. I enjoy watching them being free


End file.
